Humorous quotes
17 quotes. Authors include Abraham Lincoln, Alan Watts, Albert Einstein, Charles Dickens, Erma Bombeck, Hugo Black, Shaquille O'Neal, Thomas Edison, Winston Churchill.
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“If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead.”
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“The best argument against democracy is a five-minute conversation with the average voter.”
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“Trying to define yourself is like trying to bite your own teeth.”
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“Perfection of means and confusion of ends seems to characterize our age.”
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“If I had only known, I would have been a locksmith.”
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“You can't blame gravity for falling in love.”
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“I'm tired of hearing about money, money, money, money, money. I just want to play the game, drink Pepsi, and wear Reebok.”
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“When I was 40, my doctor advised me that a man in his 40s shouldn't play tennis. I heeded his advice carefully and could hardly wait until I reached 50 to start again.”
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“I am always ready to learn although I do not always like being taught.”
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“I do not know the American gentleman, god forgive me for putting two such words together.”
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“You can always count on Americans to do the right thing - after they've tried everything else.”
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“I never did a day's work in my life. It was all fun.”
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“As a cure for worrying, work is better than whisky.”
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“I am fond of pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals.”
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“An appeaser is one who feeds a crocodile, hoping it will eat him last.”
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“If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?”
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“I owe my solitude to other people.”